15 Most Common Cognitive Distortions Part 2

6. Personalization

This is a classic cognitive distortion for many and is a culprit in shaping a distorted self-image and in contributing to depressive moods. You think you are the center of the universe and everything that happens in it is somehow connected to you. That everyone and anything that happens around you is about you or caused by you.

Halimbawa, nag outing ang friends mo at hindi ka kasama, you automatically think it is because they don’t like your company that’s why they didn’t invite you. You think “Ayaw nila akong kasama kaya hindi man lang nagsabi na may outing pala sila”. The reality might be, they were told you were out of town and they did not mean at all to not invite you. Another example, your wife comes home from work without saying anything and goes straight to the bathroom. When she comes out, you start asking at medyo pagalit, “hindi mo man lang ako kinibo pag dating mo, may nasabi ba akong masama?” Yun pala ihing-ihi lang talaga sya.

7. Blaming

Another classic distortion is thinking na lahat ng nangyayari sa’yo, lahat ng emosyon mo ay dahil sa kagagawan ng mga tao or bagay around you. A person with a blaming mentality does not take responsibility for their emotions and actions. Instead constantly shifts the blame on others in order to escape the discomfort. Sometimes, it is also the other way around. You blame yourself for every perceived negative happening around you.

Classic dialogues include:

“Ginagalit mo ako eh! Ikaw ang dahilan bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko”.
“You’re making me feel this way or that…”
“Pinaparamdam mo sa akin na wala akong kwenta”
“Dahil sa’yo kaya depressed ako ngayon”
“Kasalanan ko kaya iniwan ako ng asawa ko, hindi ko sya masisisi”.
“Kasalanan ko rin kasi kaya ganito ako tratuhin ng mga anak ko”.

8. Should-ing

Should-ing is a culprit for feelings of self-loathing and will drive an individual more towards depressive moods because of perceived guilt and shame. The should-ing phrases are often self-judgmental. Kung ang pag-iisip mo ay laging “Dapat ganito”, “Dapat ganyan”, you are putting too many unrealistic expectations on yourself and will get very disappointed when you don’t meet those expectations.

Look at these comments: “Dapat konti konti lang ang pagkain ko para hindi ako mukhang balyena”,”Hindi ako dapat nalulungkot, dapat lagi lang happy and positive”, “Kahit anong mangyari, hindi ako dapat bumagsak sa exam”. It is like constantly grading yourself Pass or Fail depending on whether you accomplished your agenda and if not, you feel ashamed for not reaching it.

9. Labeling

Labeling is when we create universal labels for others, situations, groups, etc., based on our own biased perceptions. We generalize people’s overall characteristics based on one observed negative aspect. Halimbawa, hindi dahil sinusuportahan ng friend mo ang political party (or goverment officials) na ayaw mo, ibig sabihin ay “corrupt”or “mga yellowtard/dutertards” sila (I see these terms often used around social media describing those for or against the current President and Vice President in the Philippines).

I also see those who profess their support for one tv network over the other and label those they don’t agree with as “biased“, “bobo”, at kung ano ano pang name-calling. This is similar to black and white thinking, in that there are no gray areas in how a person views themselves or those around them.

10. Always Right

This thinking pattern is usually prevalent for people with perfectionism tendency and an inability to yield control—they are never wrong because you see, “Always Right” is their middle name, the “Know-it All’s”. Someone with this thought pattern is usually the one who hijacks a meeting, “knows everything”, has all the right answer/solution to every problem, and usually interrupts others because their ideas/opinions are the right ones. They are obsessed with proving the other person wrong that they do not usually take into consideration the other person’s feelings.

Halimbawa, sa mga mag-asawa when argument ensues, one spouse thinks apologizing is not warranted because he/she is not in the wrong so they would go on for days not talking to each other until that disagreement continues to fester and potentially create irreparable damage. If you think this is you, ask yourself “Do I think I am always right?”, and if you justify why you think you are always right, then chances are you do think you are always right.

11. Emotional Reasoning

People with this distorted thinking lets their emotions get the best of them; they believe that whatever they are feeling is true. Halimbawa ng emotional reasoning, pakiramdam mo wala kang silbi. Therefore you will continue believing na wala ka ngang silbi. Kaya’t para saan pa that you try to look for a job kung wala ka naman silbi.

12. Heaven Reward Fallacy

This thought pattern affects and displaces your priority. For example, if most of your life, you have devoted your love, attention, and sacrifices para sa mga mahal mo sa buhay o kaya sa trabaho mo thinking you will get rewarded for all your efforts ( e.g., your kids will build you a house, or you’ll get the promotion na akala mo para sa’yo) but along the way, hindi ka nagtira ng para sarili mo. You never did anything nice for yourself. And when those rewards don’t come, you start becoming bitter and angry/hostile. Your loved ones may start detaching themselves from you because of the negativity you put out. A bitter person can become very vindictive o mapag tanim ng sama ng loob.

13. Fallacy of Change

People with this thought process shift their emotional responsibility onto other people. Ang kaligayahan at kaayusan ng buhay nila is dependent on other people’s choices and actions. Here are some examples of usual comments of someone who has this thought pattern: “Kung makag-abroad ka lang sana anak, gagaan na ang buhay natin.” “Magiging masaya lang ang pagsasama natin kung yayaman tayo”. “Hindi ako makukuntento hangga’t hindi ko nakikitang ikasal ang anak ko”. “Paniguradong magiging maayos ang pagsasama naming mag asawa kung mapipilit ko lang sya na magpapayat”.

14. Control Fallacies

Those with control fallacy thinking tend to be perfectionists (internal control) and may get frustrated when they perceive others don’t share their need for control; on the other end of the spectrum, these people may become irresponsible and assign blame instead of taking accountability for their action (external control).

Halimbawa (Internal Control), ayaw mong nakikitang nahihirapan ang mga anak mo. Gusto mo everybody is happy at ikaw ang responsible to make sure everyone is content and no one will ever be miserable. So you start planning activities that not everyone may like. If they let you know, you start thinking “bakit kayo ganyan, hindi nyo iniisip na gusto ko lang maayos ang lahat. Pakiramdam ko tuloy wala akong kwentang ina/ama, kasi hindi ko magawang maging kontento at masaya ang mga anak ko”. Another example (Externally controlled), meron kayong deadline na hinahabol sa trabaho at hindi mo nameet ang expectation ng team nyo. Ang sagot mo ay, “Si Boss ang sisihin nyo wag ako, kung bakit hindi natapos yung project on time. Kung ano anong assignments kasi binigay sakin. Hindi ko na problema yun”.

15. Fallacy of Fairness

You think it’s not fair when others are being blessed and you’re not. Kasi nga “nagsisimba naman kami lagi kaya dapat lang na lumago itong negosyo namin”. ” Sinusunod naman namin lahat ng utos ng Diyos, bakit ganun, kung sino pa yung makasalanan sila pa ang mas nabibiyayaan, it’s not fair!” Remember that life is not always about being Fair or Unfair. There are lessons learned and resilience built when things do not pan out the way we hoped it would.