1. Teach your children how to regulate their emotions
You can do this by modeling emotion regulation yourself. Your children will always be watching you for cues on what is anxiety and how to be calm. If you are frazzled, your kids will be; if you are calm, your kids will tend to be calm. And if you are angry and blaming outside stimuli (e.g., “It’s all the government’s fault”, “China brought this whole thing, they must pay!” etc.,) for your emotions, you are teaching your children that they do not have control over their emotions and that it is ok to not take responsibility for their actions; that everything that is happening to them is somebody else’s fault. On the other hand, as they see you model appropriate ways of regulating your emotions, they will learn that despite scary things going on, they are actually still in control of their emotions and not the other way around.
2. Normalize anxiety
When your children are anxious and ask questions about the uncertainties of the pandemic, avoid the tendency to criticize or demand your children to “stop being fearful”. Instead, allow them to explore their emotions and create a safe space in your home where they can feel confident that their emotions are validated, noticed, and acknowledged. It’s ok to let your children know that being anxious and fearful is normal in this situation. Fear and anxiety are appropriate responses during this pandemic. However, you can emphasize that fear and anxiety do not need to control their daily decisions.
3. Avoid the tendency to catastrophize
Don’t catastrophize but also don’t over-promise. Avoid comments like “the world is never going to be the same”, “We will probably never get a vaccine”, “We are so doomed, our country is destroyed”. This creates a pattern of distorted thinking in your children believing that this whole thing is never going to get better and even if it does, things are “just not the same”. On the other hand, overpromising may create false hopes and unrealistic goals. Avoid comments like, “All we need is the vaccine to make everything better”, “This is all just in 2020, once we get to 2021, everything will be back to normal”—this is an all or nothing thinking that purports that one cannot make good things come out of a crisis. In addition, catastrophizing and all or nothing thinking are breeding grounds for anxiety to fester.
4. Moderate information
Moderate what kind of media information you will allow in your home; limit how much screen time you allow your children to have. Remember that not all information is helpful. Sometimes, it is more productive to not have the news tv constantly blaring in the background. Find worthwhile videos to watch together instead, and not have overconsumption of the daily news—and speaking of daily news—find ones that are accurate and informational. Discard those that are sensationalized. You can provide information through hands-on experiences such as exploring your neighborhood parks, gardens, rice fields, etc.
5. Encourage problem-solving
Children are innovative and curious; they are natural problem solvers. With the pandemic, sometimes there is a tendency to ask all the How’s and What’s such as “What if we never get a vaccine?”, “What if school never goes back to normal?”, “What if mom and dad get sick?” or “How can I make homeschooling work?”, “How can I learn about this or that subject?”, and many other uncertainties. Help children understand and realize that they have already managed uncertainties in the past. Through play or social activities, remind your children how resilient they had been and continue to be by how they problem-solved with their homework, chores, etc. Remind them that it’s ok to feel anxious about uncertainties but it can also propel us to be better problem solvers just as they had done in the past.
6. Nurture your children’s creativity
Nurture your children’s innate talents in the arts. You can help them create storybooks, have them learn new things like musical instruments, learn about their environment, explore outside, start a garden, read books, write poetry, learn to make crafts, and many other worthwhile activities that will strengthen and develop their artistic tendencies.
7. Create routines together
Create routines such as waking up time and bedtime, play, chores, learning, etc. Be connected to them as you create routines together. Make these routines fun and engaging such as discussions about safety—making it a part of your daily schedule (e.g., washing hands, proper hygiene, nutrition, demonstrating what 6-ft. social distancing, etc.).
8. Nurture kindness and compassion
Encourage your children to be compassionate toward themselves and others. Model self-compassion by being kind to yourself even when you make mistakes or in times when you feel afraid. Ensure that in your words and actions, you are modeling a compassionate heart to your children. This pandemic has brought the best and sometimes the worst in people. Model speaking in kind, soft, tones to one another. Similarly, if you must talk about other people not in the family, use kind words; this includes talking about national leaders, church leaders, and other public figures in regard to the current pandemic; avoid the tendency to lash out with obscenities or blaming political figures/nation leaders in an attempt to validate your fears and anger.
Simple activities like making cards/letters to send to extended family and friends, rock painting and leaving the artwork at someone’s doorstep, sending flowers, baking cookies for someone, help weed a neighbor’s yard/garden, are but a few to encourage children to be empathetic and charitable.
9. Build and strengthen social connections
Establish connections with extended family members and friends. Utilize technology in being more socially connected to loved ones. Encourage regular video conference calls with families near and far. Arrange for “Zoom play dates” with friends where they can play musical instruments together, read books to each other, do homework, and learn new things together, etc. If technology allows, you can also arrange for watching movies together or cooking together. Let your creativity flow and involve your children in bringing up ideas in strengthening their relationships with family and friends.
10. Practice mindfulness together
Model mindfulness in your actions by focusing on your children when you interact with them instead of being distracted by your gadgets and other “worries”. When you worry about what happened 10 minutes ago or what may happen in the next 10 minutes while in conversation with your child, you are withholding love from him/her at that moment he/she needs you. Be present. Model good listening skills as you look them in the eye, notice their facial expressions, acknowledge what they have to say even though it may seem silly to you, and validate their emotions however insignificant it may seem. Your children will thank you and you will thank yourself for nurturing emotionally resilient children. As you practice mindfulness together, you are also helping your child connect to their own spirituality; helping them tap into their inner self and understand their connection and relationship to the universe.
